We have all felt it at one point or another. The sting when someone is too busy too see you. It can hurt and cause you to doubt both yourself and the person in question. It doesn’t help that there are plenty of Memes out there, stating that if they really cared, they would make time; that nobody is ever that busy.
But through the pain, give the person you love the benefit of the doubt. I am not talking about the narcissists; those self-obsessed creatures who think only of themselves. I am talking about those who are genuinely overwhelmed in life and need to be cut some slack.
I have had blocks of time where I would wake at 6, be out of the house by 7, and be gone until 7pm that evening. I would then need to make dinner, organize the house and child, and then collapse into bed. Next morning, the schedule would be on repeat.
I only check my emails twice a week, as well as other social media. I can’t be on call 24 hours. We aren’t built to be available day and night. By the time you have gotten everyone ready for the day, and started on your schedule, these is scant time to grab a piece of toast, let alone see anyone or make calls. Friends come into your thoughts when your head hits the pillow. “Damn! It’s too late to ring them now!” you exclaim, vowing to do so tomorrow.
Pain and illness can force you to retreat from socializing. When in pain and on medication, you need twice as much rest. Diagnosed with a serious illness turns accomplishing basic chores into a triumph. Children have their own schedules, and ferrying them around takes a huge amount of organization. There is work to attend to, bills to pay and the necessary detritus of being an adult. I think our lives are crammed full of more activities than ever before.
The delight you feel when a dear friend is hosting a get-together is immense. You can mark it on the calendar if given notice, and when you meet up, it feels as if no time has passed. You both understand that life is busy, and you are trying to keep your heads above water. It’s enough to snatch pockets of time in which to catch up. You know without a doubt that if you needed each other, you would be there. No demands or expectations. The relief of having such friends around is immense. An email or text to ask how you are leaves you knowing that you are being thought of.
It is a horrid feeling when someone conjures up guilt trips to make you feel bad about not being able to spend time with them. It is not you, rather life events that have conspired to prevent you meeting up on a whim. Realize that you are doing your level best to keep paddling, and banish the guilt.
The best reconnections are sometimes the most random. Bumping into each other on the street or in the park and catching up on all your news.
Life is busy, and it is also precious. The loved ones who understand and support you throughout the varied seasons of life are treasures. Their sense of self is strong enough to understand and rejoice when you have time to get together.